Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Sometimes it seems like I just turn to my blog when I'm feeling down. Writing is a kind of therapy for me. So is prayer, and I've given up plenty to attempt to soothe my heart. I hate feeling woebegone, peeved, upset...........  Even when I've rationalized the whole issue, found the positive outcomes from it, the heaviness still takes a few days to dissipate.

Even though there are only 44 days till I leave for my four week volunteer work in Tanzania, the uni has changed the rules of the game. I won't go into the details as I don't know them properly and surmising would benefit no one. We were initially told that Tanzania would make up our placement requirements for this semester. Now, with just over six weeks to go, they have told us, we have to complete a placement here before we go, in order to pass the subject!! I've not had a chance to speak to the others yet, as it effects quite a few of us. No one would be happy!

I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. I was looking forward to a month off between end of uni and flying away. In that time, I was going to complete my Christmas shopping and cook and bake for our celebration which we will have on the 2/12 so that my family and I still have a Christmas Eve celebration together. Especially in light of last Christmas, with losing my Dad just a week prior, this Christmas can be a kind of balm for us. Now I'll be on placement for a fortnight and our Christmas weekend, falls smack bang in the middle of it, with me having to go back to placement the next day!!! The boys were taking a day off school and Peter was taking a day off work, they may still do that, I'm not sure. But I won't be able to. Nor will I be able to prepare the food to the level I normally would, and baking??? I'm not sure if I'll get it done. The kids' comment was, 'so there's another two weeks where we don't have you' and I felt so awful............

I'd also planned a camera class during that time to raise some more money for Tanzania. I just don't know how I'm going to feel after two weeks full time work. I know I should do it...........

I'm a cup half full kind of girl, and I can see value in the experience. Firstly from an experience point of view and secondly, it's an investment into my future work opportunities. I know that.

I just have to wait for the dark cloud to rise and float away. This is a stressful time as it is, the last assignments are done and dusted, I've only got two more classes to attend, and then in a fortnight I have an exam.

This weekend I am attending a retreat, and at the moment I'm feeling very antisocial. Thankfully I know just being around my friends will pull me out of this funk. That's the downside to suffering depression, sometimes it doesn't take much to knock me for a few days......

I know it will lift. It always does.

Plus I have so many things in my life that make me happy.

1 comment:

Tami said...

I was wondering what happened to you.
There are times I feel antisocial, I wallow in self-pity and I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Depression just plain s u c k s! I am thinking of you Jenny! Take care of yourself! xo


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